The Guy Before the Guy


Sydney Poitier – Denzel Washington

Eric Metcalf – Reggie Bush (everyone was on this “Reggie Bush is the next Barry Sanders” kick when he first came out of college, but really, check the numbers, the receptions and low yds/rush average… he’s Eric Metcalf)

Elle MacPherson – Heidi Klum

Tom Cruise – Will Smith (going against the White Guys Compared to White Guys/Black Guys to Black Guys Rule, but really, I even read an article about the Fresh Prince stealing Jerry Mcguire’s roles). Chee: (and hey, they both worship at a platinum bust of L. Ron Hubbard)

Jennifer Lopez – Eva Mendes (J.Lo must have had the shortest Hot Chick runs in pop culture history. Is it me, or did she go from next big thing to Hollywood middle age in 3 years?)

Meg Ryan – Sandra Bulluck

Wyclef –

Shawn Kemp – Amare Stoudamire – Dwight Howard (If Amare was the iPod, Superman II is the iPhone)

John Stockton – Steve Nash

Karl Malone – Carlos Boozer (big boring PF in Utah) (Chee:Damn it, this was my sleeper pick!)

The Steroid Era made it damn near impossible to add any players to this list

Joe Montana – Tom Brady

Deion Sanders – Antonio Cromartie

Gale Sayers – Devon Hester

MJ – Kobe

MJ in NBA Live 98 – The Real Lebron James

The X-Files – Lost

Jim & Pam – Ross and Rachel (Really, TV isn’t worth watching if we don’t can’t have a pair of cute White 20-somethings secretly pining for each other from across the room)

John Belushi – Chris Farley – Will Ferrell

Chevy Chase – Ben Stiller

Jerry Lewis – Jim Carey

Richard Pryor – Eddie Murphy – Chris Rock

Comedians Who Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia Stole Jokes From – Dane Cook & Carlos Mencia

Taylor Dane – Joss Stone (slightly different genres, but both working the white girl with a black voice angle)

Bobby Brown – Usher

Dan Marino – Peyton Manning

Michael Finley – Jason Richardson

Ashanti Rihanna


Robert Deniro — Edward Norton

Dick Clark — Ryan Seacrest/Carson Daly (Ray: Niiiiice)

Oprah — Tyra (Op’ might shut this chick down if she keeps cryin’ on TV like she has been, trying to get a larger share of the suburban housewife audience)

Mike Tyson — David Tua (Tyson’s bizarro twin) (Ray: I’ve gotta shoot holes in this one. Tua was never champ. Not nearly as fast or as terrifying to opponents. The only relationship close is Liston – Tyson and Tua – Samuel Peter. Bizarro twins don’t count. That’s a whole other list. Example: The Dude Who Works at the Monterrey Blvd Safeway is the Bizarro K)

Dennis Haysbert aka the All State guy/President on ’24’ — Barack Obama (I know, I know, but if it wasn’t for Mr. Haysbert, I doubt Barack wins Wisconsin) (Ray: Add in Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact ahead of President David Palmer?)

Lucille Ball — Debra Messing (Swap the Cuban hunk with a Gay hunk and what you got?)

Desi Arnaz — Wilmer Valderrama (Swap the Cuban hunk with a Gay hunk and what you got?)

Blair Underwood — Taye Diggs (Two guys who people swore were gonna be the next Denzel…but ended up being shipped around different networks as themselves)

Daryll Strawberry–Vlad Guerrero (That’s my surprise pick)

Slick Rick — Ludacris

Janet–Beyonce (Both have sex appeal, strange daddies and mommies, and both like mogul rappers) (Ray: I’m more inclined to go Tina Turner – Beyonce and Janet – Britney. I think the Tina – Beyonce is clear, let’s take a closer look at Janet – Britney: limited vocal ability, child stars, both got by on choreography and tight middifts. Yeah, Brit’s gone off the deep end recently, but I’m just looking at primes now.)

Ray: I got a couple more…

KC & The Sunshine Band – Justin Timberlake & Timbaland (aren’t they really attracting the exact same audience thirty years later? Play that funky music whiteboy…) Chee: I see the inclination to go this route, but I’d say Elvis and Colonel Parker/Sam Phillips –J.T.)

Pernell Whitaker – Floyd Mayweather (both so clean and polished in the ring. Robert Novak would call them the Barack Obama’s of the ring) Chee: No argument here.

Jeff George – Kerry Collins (both big arms, both a-holes, both #1s, both busts)

Kenny Anderson – Sebastian Telfair (two products of the New York hype machine. Granted Anderson actually had a decent career, but they were both too small to warrant the hype. Consider this: Telfair was in the same high school class as Monta Ellis. Who would you rather have running your team right now?)

Clyde Drexler – Tracy MacGrady (Is it me, or was Clyde the Glide MJ-Lite the way T-Mac is Diet Kobe? By the way, add Tracy MacGrady to the Famous Dudes with Chick Names list) Chee: Good point.

Russell Wong — Yul Kwon (Asian sex symbol From Survivor 2006, and LPHIE brother…)

Bruce Leroy — Wesley Snipes

Nina Simone — Mary J. Blige/Alicia Keyes/Lauryn Hill

D’Angelo — John Legend

Fernando Valenzuela — Pedro Martinez (granted Pedro is much greater) (Ray: OK, you’re losing me here. Fernando was a gimmick pitcher who had maybe 3 quality seasons. Think Hideo Nomo. Pedro was and is still just plain nasty as evidence by his continued success even with a bum arm.)

Scottie Pippen — Dirk Nowitzki/Jermaine O’Neal (yeah, his defense is sub-par) (Ray: What crack are you smoking on this one? Jermaine O’Neal is a low post center, Scottie Pippen was the prototype 6’7 point forward and one of the top 5 perimeter defenders in NBA history! I don’t even know where to start on the Dirk comparison either. What does Pip have in common with a perimeter shooting German 7 footer? The list is closed until you come back from rehab…I’m embarrassed for you)


You’re right. I have embarrased myself. But, I don’t think Freddie was a gimmick pitcher. They guy made several all-star squads, and his age was suspect, like Pedro’s is now. I guess Juan Marichal — Pedro Martinez would have been a better guy-before the guy. As far as the Dirk/Scottie comparison, you got me.


One response to “The Guy Before the Guy

  1. Whoa! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a completely different subject but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Wonderful choice of colors!

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